I think I have become crazy. I do not need a psychologist, however. It is something I find out when I seem to suffer from a rare type of stagnation, and that is for sticking to the ideas that matter so much to all and sundry. I have spoken up many times about how I felt about the things around me, and nobody has cared to listen to it. Then, I still continue doing it.
From the standpoint of a crazy man, the world has become a menagerie, a perfect place for the less caring people, who cannot even domesticate themselves. What happen to us, I cannot understand. The world is round, isn’t it? And that is an undeniable fact that we do not have to argue about. But we still do it. We all experience trembles when we feel apprehensive about a certain stage of our life, aren’t we? And that is again an undeniable fact that we do not have to argue about. But we still do it.
Yes, I think I have become crazy. I have so many questions about my being in Saudi Arabia that will, I am sure, remain unanswered, like what I have pointed out about the roundness of the world or our experiencing trembles when we are faced with ruffling problems. But I still ask the same questions over and over again.
I am a practitioner in the field of psychology. But there are times when I still think of what others will say of me when I am gone, when they do not think of what I will say of them when they are gone. This is my prologue to a deeper understanding of the causation of my apprehensions about my life in Saudi Arabia.
Life is a game not easy to play, and it is a game that has no specific lapses. It is not like other games wherein we can repeat at a certain lapse where we fail. It was not my plan to work in Saudi Arabia. It was not even my plan to work with people I can hardly deal with. Philippines is quite different from Saudi Arabia. But the standard I set for myself is still the same, and because of this, I have found it difficult to adopt a system as erratic as my view about my life in Saudi Arabia from the very outset.
Yes, I think I have become crazy. There is not even an iota of opportunity for career advancement in my current company. But I still work for it — and with the people I cannot put my full trust in. The onslaught from behind is common. Politics has been well ingrained into the system. The system kills me slowly, like what Angelo Reyes felt after being alleged of being involved in a scandal. Or is there a system to speak about in the first place?
When I received an e-mail from a boss about the ways to enjoy work, I took it as a joke, and I laughed to my heart’s content. If one will ask why, I won’t give his asking a damn. I want to keep my reason to myself.
And now I remain thinking I have become crazy. But, at least, this type of craziness matters.