Dear Mama

You’re so dear to me, oh my Mama – you
brought the sunshine to my life, even
until the day you breathed your last,

and even now;

promises to be nice, like the rest, with the rest, to be with them,
you, too, dearly love, you told me, I should make, before
and after you’re gone; vanished, without worries,
and regrets as well, before our very eyes; to be
where you’re destined – the heaven, for God’s sake,

that hears no bewails from me: for a chance to breathe with you

once again; to die, by His will, for you, and in His name and your name,

my obsession.

You’re my light – my guide, not feeling tired, not
once, nor twice, nor thrice, or so; fond of
giving me fondles, to my heart’s content, and even now.
You made me a person that I used to be, and you wanted me to be,

nice, naïve;

and now, not anymore:

I have given up, neither for you nor
because of you, nor against the world, your world, against
the maddening concept of life. It’s a decision, unexpected,
that I owned up; a decision neither against yours
but mine — I’m sorry, then, for what has become of me.

Indeed, I tended, and would have earlier tended, to be bad before;
there’s more to life beyond nicety and naïveté, I believed and still do, but
you inspired me to be what you dreamed of me, with a heart, like yours,
so dearly in love with all and sundry.

Still, I shed tears of regrets, nights after nights, after
you’re gone, no matter how full my mind and heart have been,

with principles of life

and, yes, love, that you taught me, so painstakingly and without
letup, howsoever hard our life we’d before; that, in one way or
another, turned me into somehow bad, rather; a person
worse than you’d think I would, when you’d be gone.

I’m sorry. You lost your son, nice and naïve, rather than I lost you –
oh my dear Mama. You’re just gone, because you had to
be back where you’re supposed to be.

You’re a mother beyond compare.

You’re a mother who, despite life’s adversities, has brought me
into the world; happy and content with life.

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